I still have no money for poker except for the nights I play here at my house with my friends. I'm actually living on my credit card right now. I make enough money to pay bills and gas. Food and other expenses go on the card now. I'm still waiting to be hired on at my job. For two months now they've been saying "We'll get you on soon, we're getting the paperwork together" and a lot of other bullshit they can think of to tell me. My life is so stagnant right now that I measure any progress in units of weeks. Weeks seem like days to me. Time just seems to fly by. Hey, there goes another month. What have I done that's productive, anything? Nope. Ohh well. Shwoosh, another month goes by while I was reflecting back on the last month. Get my drift?
One thing that's been a nice upgrade to my weekly life is that I've been able to get back into playing music again. I attended a couple of rehearsals in Hayward with a big band. I was just subing for another musician. I rehearse with another big band here in Pleasanton. That band has some top notch musicians! I'm very pleased to be a part of that band. I've also been thinking about joining the Pleasanton Community Band to freshen up my clarinet chops. Also, thinking a bit in the future, which in all actuality is coming up pretty fast, I'd like to get in one or maybe two classes under my belt next year. I just have to figure out where and how to start back up again and in what order and a million other things. I need to get a copy of my transcripts from Columbia College and send them to a junior college around here like DVC.
My ultimate goal is to just end my slow self torture of sub-standard living through improvement. When I graduated high school back in '99, my first attempt was working. Discouragement proceeded shortly after and I switched to college. Discouragement proceeded again and I switched back to the workfield. While working, I tried to pull myself out of sub-standardness by building a career in poker. Well guess what...discouragement proceeded yet again! Now that I can't afford to quit my job and go to school full time, I'm forced to come up with a compromise. I'll have to progress through school slowly by only taking night classes and/or internet courses. You'll never see the story of my life portrayed on a movie screen. It's just not very good entertainment. In fact, it's not entertainment at all, it's reality. True reality. Nobody ever sees on TV the people that try, take risks, and fail! The internet is getting that way as well. Blogs nowadays hardly define true reality anymore. I at least try to write my blogs as true to reality as I can. Once I get things back on the right track, maybe I'll be able to live life by each and every day.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
I Think the Alligator Bled to Death
Okay, I got fed up with FullTilt Poker after constantly losing big chunks of my bankroll so I withdrew my money back into my bank account. Then one weekend I felt like playing some live poker so I went up to the California Grand in Pacheco. They now have one to two tables of no limit holdem with a 2-2-3 blind structure with a $3 bring in bet and a $200 max buy-in. Let me tell you now, the way this game was going, it would've been nice to sit down with about $600. Anyway, I bought in for $200 and after 4 hours of play, won myself $300 in profit. Not bad! The next weekend I went back and lost my whole bankroll in two days. After losing a chunk of my roll at FullTilt, I didn't have that much left anyway.
Now with my bankroll gone, I have no way to play poker on any regular schedule (not that it was too regular to begin with). Looking back, I think if I were to do things differently, I would've saved up enough money to just play live instead of online. The point of playing online in the first place was to build a roll so I could play live. I've figured out that there are a lot of people trying to do the same thing I am...sit on my ass at home and make money. Well, online it's easier for people to play tight because all they have to do is push a button all day drinking ice tea while watching reruns of Seinfeld. They don't even have to suffer the pain of waiting for a hand to play because they've got 4 to 8 tables on their screen so that almost every other hand is a big pocket pair.
Yeah okay, so you people might think I'm just bitter because I lose at poker. Well, maybe I am, maybe I'm not, I don't know. I'm just upset that I've played and studied hard for about two years to try to at least make a suplemental income from poker and have gotten nowhere at it. Do you realize how disappointing that is? That's it, I'm tired of struggling to make things happen for me and then end up broke. I've got a wardrobe of clothes that hasn't been updated in 3 or 4 years, single, no social life, and no friends. Yeah, sure I have friends that I play poker with at my house every Saturday night, but no real personal friends I can go hang out with on weekends or something. This is what I do...I get up, go to work, go home, fix dinner, read a book (either on poker, small business, physics, or Zen Buddhism), and go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. The only thing I like about weekends is the fact that I don't have to work. The only problem is I don't have anything planned for the weekends because (1.) I don't have any friends I can hang out with, (2.) no girlfriend, (3.) I can't even think of a 3 because, I don't know, there's a lot of things, though. I try to keep myself busy over the weekends, though, because if I'm not, then I'll get depressed. Not that it matters because I'm depressed as it is, I just like to keep it suppressed so I don't have to deal with the real issues of my sad pathetic life. What will it take so I can be happy and content with my life? A girlfriend would be a nice start! I remember the last girlfriend I had. At that time, I was more broke than I am now, but I remember being happy and content with life. I didn't care how much money I had, what kind of car I drove, or the kind of clothes I wore. Everything was great, I was going to transfer over to CSU Hayward, study music, get a bachelors degree and a teaching credential, find a job at a nice school in a really cool town, bla bla bla, etc. Then she drops me like a wet noodle and my life goes to shit. How about that, huh? Okay, I'm all worked up now, I'm too mad and depressed to write anymore. Plus you are probably tired of my bitching and ranting about my sucky-ass life. I'll spare you the rest of my problems for the time being. I'm going to bed.
Now with my bankroll gone, I have no way to play poker on any regular schedule (not that it was too regular to begin with). Looking back, I think if I were to do things differently, I would've saved up enough money to just play live instead of online. The point of playing online in the first place was to build a roll so I could play live. I've figured out that there are a lot of people trying to do the same thing I am...sit on my ass at home and make money. Well, online it's easier for people to play tight because all they have to do is push a button all day drinking ice tea while watching reruns of Seinfeld. They don't even have to suffer the pain of waiting for a hand to play because they've got 4 to 8 tables on their screen so that almost every other hand is a big pocket pair.
Yeah okay, so you people might think I'm just bitter because I lose at poker. Well, maybe I am, maybe I'm not, I don't know. I'm just upset that I've played and studied hard for about two years to try to at least make a suplemental income from poker and have gotten nowhere at it. Do you realize how disappointing that is? That's it, I'm tired of struggling to make things happen for me and then end up broke. I've got a wardrobe of clothes that hasn't been updated in 3 or 4 years, single, no social life, and no friends. Yeah, sure I have friends that I play poker with at my house every Saturday night, but no real personal friends I can go hang out with on weekends or something. This is what I do...I get up, go to work, go home, fix dinner, read a book (either on poker, small business, physics, or Zen Buddhism), and go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. The only thing I like about weekends is the fact that I don't have to work. The only problem is I don't have anything planned for the weekends because (1.) I don't have any friends I can hang out with, (2.) no girlfriend, (3.) I can't even think of a 3 because, I don't know, there's a lot of things, though. I try to keep myself busy over the weekends, though, because if I'm not, then I'll get depressed. Not that it matters because I'm depressed as it is, I just like to keep it suppressed so I don't have to deal with the real issues of my sad pathetic life. What will it take so I can be happy and content with my life? A girlfriend would be a nice start! I remember the last girlfriend I had. At that time, I was more broke than I am now, but I remember being happy and content with life. I didn't care how much money I had, what kind of car I drove, or the kind of clothes I wore. Everything was great, I was going to transfer over to CSU Hayward, study music, get a bachelors degree and a teaching credential, find a job at a nice school in a really cool town, bla bla bla, etc. Then she drops me like a wet noodle and my life goes to shit. How about that, huh? Okay, I'm all worked up now, I'm too mad and depressed to write anymore. Plus you are probably tired of my bitching and ranting about my sucky-ass life. I'll spare you the rest of my problems for the time being. I'm going to bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
